My new found cure, weeping.

These past nights, i've been pondering over the same issues. Eleanor!
I know its over. But, i never asked for the break-up. It really shocked me when she suddenly said that.

Since then, i was angry and dissapointed. Dissapointed in myself. Why do i fail in one of the most simplest tasks. Keeping a relationship going. I was really low then. I dont recall having much mood when attending drama. I talked to Hilary alot.

Since then i've never forgotten all my memories with her. Even though i claim to, the feelings and thoughts still remained. I tried forgetting it all by giving a lame excuse which was about me giving cherisse a chance to start a relationship with me. It was actually just to make me forget about eleanor. its supposed to be a secret. well, this is private. hahaha

but after we broke, i realised that running from the past and hiding it all wont work. It'll only come back to haunt you. That's when i've realised. What have i been doing all this time? Face it. The more you run away. the more it'll come back.

I weeped. These couple of nights, what i did to help me sleep is to weep. I've recently found out, i miss eleanor. I didnt wanna tell her my "problems" were actually her. I want us to be together again. but after what i did. would she say yes? and thats what i've been thinking of. If i ever were to ask her its definitely going to be NO. How i wish i could turn back time. Then i would have Shut my mouth up. I dont think she'll wanna be with me because of that too.

She might think that i'll badmouth her again. MY LIFE IS SO FUCKED UP! Maybe perhaps a miracle? Will that being us together? "There can be miracles, when you belive." Theres not such things as ghosts. would miracles even exists?

I got so sad, i decided to write whatever happened into a story. I've finished 2 chapters. working on the 3rd one tmr. its getting lousier and lousier.

Thats just me. "LOUSY"!

i miss eleanor. i know its impossible. even the slightest miracle might not help. behind my fake smiles are silent cries.