good thing this is all set to private. so only some can read this.

i've been thinking lately.

whether i should continue talking to eleanor. i mean, i miss her and stuff. those were probably the best damn times i ever had as a teenager. til present. i never had that kind of feeling so far. no offence.

it's like,

when we broke. i was angry, mostly sad. but still angry.. so i talked about her, said all the negative, mean, bad parts about her and didnt focus on the good, positve ones. i was dying for "revenge". its happened all too sudden.

i had a dream last night. that we were back together again. happily in some carefree land. doing stuff i wasnt to keep private. its for me to sit back, remember that dream, and just enjoy and fantasize (not in a sick way) and jsut fall in "love" again.

but.

i dont think i can face or beg her to ask to patch up. she knows what i did. and i can never forigve myself too.

i've been thinking also. lately

whether i should agree with cherisse's request to patch up. that can wait. i'll see how she does stuff. whether she'll change or not. i dont want her being all "OHH! IM ALL HIGH CLASSY AND SUTFF. I DONT LIKE SHOPPING AT QUEENSWAY, ITS FOR UNSOPHISTICATED PEOPLE." thats going to be a nono for me if she does that. and secondly, i wouldnt want her to cling all over hilary during drama.

if you want us to be together, be like we're together. dont make me waste my time.

there are plenty of fish in the sea. i can always throw you back. and let you get washed by the waves away. never see-ing or hearing your cries. leaving you alone. FOREVER!

so i should see that you really wanna change for the better. im not just doing this for me. i dont think any other guy wants a girlfriend who is like that.

anyways. back to my main point where i'm talking about ekeanor.

do you think she's still angry at me?

thats gotta b true, i dont think she'll ever trust me again. when i talk to her, she replies a lil bit. so yeah.

YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN GORDON! YOU'RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE :D! DAMN I LOVE YOU.

i miss her... it'll never be okay. ever..

-THE END-